


Silver x Scars

by DecemberCamie



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Canon Universe, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 19:45:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8766544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DecemberCamie/pseuds/DecemberCamie
Summary: “Will you tell me more about what they did to you?”Killua frowns. His expression is carefully guarded as he says, “Why? There’s no reason to think about that stuff. My family did horrible things to all of my siblings. I’m no different.”“To me, you are,” Gon says honestly and Killua’s mouth shuts with a click. “And it’s because of that I want you to tell me. I want to…I want to know every part of you, Killua. The good and the bad. Because we’re friends.”“You want me to relive my childhood just so you can get to know me better?”Gon bobs his head and Killua snorts.“You really are selfish, you know that?”





	

“Killua.”

He presses one hand flat against the curve of his friend’s bare back and Killua freezes.

Killua looks over his shoulder with a frown, indigo turtle neck half pulled up his arms. “Gon. What’re you doing?”

Gon doesn’t immediately answer. He shifts his hand slightly to trace a thin diagonal scar slashed across Killua’s spine.

“When did you get this?” he asks quietly.

Killua’s confused expression locks in place. He doesn’t speak and Gon doesn’t look away, staring long enough to absorb Killua’s ethereal appearance as light from the window sets his silver hair and porcelain skin aglow.

Gon lowers his gaze and his heart tightens. He says carefully, “You didn’t get this from what just happened with the Bombers back on Greed Island, right? There’s no way…this has to be years old. But it’s so big, Killua. This must’ve really hurt you.”

Killua visibly swallows. “Pain wasn’t a stranger in my house, Gon.”

“Your family did this?”

Killua nods and Gon’s blood turns to ice. It’s not a surprise- or, it shouldn’t be. Gon got a taste of what Killua was leaving behind when Gon saved him from his mansion months ago.

But knowing and seeing were two different stories.

“Gon?” Killua says as Gon’s hand clenches into a trembling fist against his vertebrae.

Gon takes a deep breath. There is no point in getting angry. What was done was done. Maybe one day, he would go back and do something to make Killua’s family understand just how wrong they were in damaging the shooting star that was Gon’s best and most precious friend.

But today, he would listen.

“Will you tell me?” Gon asks as steadily as he can manage. “Will you tell me more about what they did to you?”

Killua frowns. His expression is carefully guarded as he says, “Why? There’s no reason to think about that stuff. My family did horrible things to all of my siblings. I’m no different.”

“To me, you are,” Gon says honestly and Killua’s mouth shuts with a _click_. “And it’s because of that I want you to tell me. I want to…I want to know every part of you, Killua. The good _and_ the bad. Because we’re friends.”

“You want me to relive my childhood just so you can get to know me better?”

Gon bobs his head and Killua snorts.

“You really are selfish, you know that?” he says, turning to the wall with a huff, and Gon makes a non-committal noise. It’s the truth. He won’t deny it. But, his reasoning makes sense, right? He and Killua are best friends, isn’t it only natural that they know everything there is to know about each other.

Gon shifts on the hotel bed so he’s fully facing Killua’s back. “So. What happened?”

Killua lets out a long breath. “If you _really need to know_ , Milluki gave me that one, specifically. It was the first time he used whips and he didn’t listen to Dad about how to use them. He ended up paralyzing me for a week because I couldn’t move from the pain.”

Gon bites down on his lip hard. Fury rises inside of him like a tidal wave but he fights it back down; Killua will stop if he reacts badly. And as much as he hates learning this, it’s something he needs to hear.

“He was more careful afterwards,” Killua amends, as if that somehow makes the situation better. “Especially since Mom was so mad she didn’t speak to him for a week. I still think he holds a grudge against me for that even though it’s his own stupid-ass fault.” He shakes his head with a scowl. “What an idiot.”

Gon doesn’t trust himself to speak, so he doesn’t. Instead, he slowly slides his hand up Killua’s back, taking his time to admire the smoothness of Killua’s white skin. Killua really is beautiful, all silver and blue with sharp edges and gentle arcs.

It’s too bad Killua would never believe Gon if he told him that.

Gon’s fingers eventually reach the top of Killua’s shoulders, and Killua turns to accommodate him. He moves to sit so he’s facing Gon head-on, legs crossed as the light coming from the window behind him casts his face in shadows. His shirt lays off to the side, forgotten.

Gon’s fingers stop over another mark on Killua’s upper right arm. This one looks strange; an outlined half-circle, wobbly and uneven. Most people wouldn’t recognize it, but Gon’s never been exactly normal.

“Is this a bite?” he wonders aloud.

Killua squints at the scar. “Which- oh, that. Yeah.”

“What bit you? Was it Mike?”

“No,” Killua answers, eyes darkening. “Mike was- he was never a problem, for me. When I was younger, Dad let me rescue a puppy that had been abandoned on the road. He was injured and scared, so when I tried to help him, he bit me.”

Gon gives Killua a questioning look. He’d never heard about Killua having a pet dog before.

Killua rubs the back of his neck. “He didn’t mean to do it. Wolf was a baby, you know? But it was a nasty bite and it eventually turned into a scar. I forgave him, though; he was the best pet I could’ve asked for. You would’ve loved him, Gon. We played outside all the time and I taught him a bunch of really cool tricks…he was the best part about my childhood.”

A soft smile graced Killua’s lips and the expression on his face was gentle, adoring. The sight makes Gon’s breath catch in his throat and his chest ache for a reason he can’t name.

Gon leans forward, drawn inexplicably to Killua. “What happened to him? I didn’t see any dogs besides Mike when me, Leorio and Kurapika came to your mansion.”

Killua abruptly turns pale. Gon watches in horror as Killua’s long hands begin to tremble in his lap.

Killua says quietly, “I killed him.”

Gon’s mouth falls open. “W-what?”

“I killed him,” Killua repeats, voice empty of all emotion. “Dad said Wolf had rabies, that he was going crazy. I was the only one who could end it. It was either kill Wolf, or let him suffer until he died of pain. So, I killed him. The choice was simple.”

Gon couldn’t move his lips to respond. The choice _wasn’t_ simple- forcing a young child to end the life of his own pet was horrifying. Gon couldn’t imagine how Killua felt, or how he must have hated himself after doing something like that.

“You probably think I’m some kind of monster.”

Killua’s bitter tone snaps Gon out of his reverie. He gawks at Killua with wide brown eyes.

“Why would you say that?! I would never think of you like that!” It actually _hurt_ to hear Killua ask him that. As if Gon could ever see Killua as anything other than the amazing and incredible friend he’d come to adore. Killua can’t really believe that Gon would think that!

But Killua’s wary expression says otherwise.

A wave of desperation crashes over him and Gon roughly grabs Killua’s hands. He squeezes them with enough force to mesh their fingers, until he can’t tell where his hands start and Killua’s ends.

Killua hisses in pain even as his eyes widen in surprise. “Gon, what the hell is wrong with you?! Loosen your grip!”

“Sorry,” Gon says and does as he’s told. He doesn’t let go though. He won’t, because he can see the fragile mix emotions hidden behind Killua’s scowl, and he knows Killua needs this comfort just as badly as Gon needs to give it.

He says honestly, “Killua, I would _never_ think of you as a monster. You have to know that after everything we’ve been through.”

His friend’s lips press into a thin line. “You don’t know what else I’ve done. What my family did to train me into the perfect assassin. I’ll never be normal, Gon. At best, I’m- I’m…”

He blinks rapidly, voice fading. Gon waits with his heart in his throat. Killua takes a shuddering breath and Gon’s chest feels heavy like its weighed down with led.

Killua bows his head. He whispers, “At best, I’m broken, damaged. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to have a normal life after everything they did to me.”

Gon’s fingers tighten around Killua’s. His grip is strong enough to leave indents on Killua’s pale skin but Killua doesn’t make a sound of complaint.

“You are _not_ what they made you do, Killua,” Gon says even as his eyes burn.

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. Tell me what else they did, and I’ll say the same thing after you’re done.”

Killua’s expression twists into an ugly expression. “Why do you even care so much?!” he snarls. He yanks his hands out from Gon’s and Gon suddenly feels cold and empty. “It doesn’t matter what you say right now. There’s no way you could possibly still consider me your friend if I tell you everything!”

Gon pushes himself forward onto his hands and knees. “I can and I will!”

Irritation flashes through Killua’s glossy blue eyes. “Don’t be a moron! Just saying that doesn’t _mean_ anything. You can’t just assume you’ll feel the same!”

“I’m not assuming! It doesn’t matter what you say because we’re friends, and-”

“I don’t understand you!” Killua snaps. “If we’re really friends, why would you want to hear about all the horrible things my family’s done? Do you really want to know about the time my mother electrocuted me until blood poured out of my eyes? And that was just because I wanted her to stop torturing Canary!”

Shock jolts down Gon’s spine. Killua notices his expression and snorts bitterly.

“See, you’re already starting to rethink what you said. Do you still want more? Maybe I’ll tell you how I got stung by a poisonous snake and had to crawl back to the mansion on my own when I was five. It was days before I could walk again. If you want to see that scar, I can show it to you.”

In his mind, Gon pictures a younger, more innocent Killua writhing on the dirt, using his bare hands to drag himself back home. Gon’s insides twist and for a moment he’s afraid he’ll be sick. But Killua doesn’t stop speaking, continuing his monologue in a mock thoughtful tone-

“Or, what about when Illumi slaughtered some innocent kids in front of me because I was watching them play during an assassination job? They weren’t doing anything wrong. I was stupid, I should’ve been paying more attention; it was my fault they died-”

_No._

Gon throws himself at his best friend. He slams into Killua’s chest, sending them both crashing down onto the mattress.

 _“What-_ Gon?! Get off!”

Killua twists under him, kicking his legs at Gon’s torso to push him away but Gon grabs the sheets to keep him in place. His best friend snarls and hurls a fist at Gon’s face. Gon ducks in time, hears the whistle of air, and snatches Killua’s free-flying arm. He finds Killua’s other hand before he can think to swing again, and uses all his weight to pin Killua’s writs down on either side of his silver head.

For a moment, there’s just the sound of their heavy breathing. Killua glares up at Gon, chest heaving, and Gon stares right back.

“Don’t,” Gon says and his voice cracks. “Don’t say stuff like that. None of that is your fault.”

Killua laughs, but its broken and shaky, like Killua himself could fall apart at any moment.

“That doesn’t matter!” Killua gasps finally. “It still happened. You can’t change it.”

Gon shakes his head violently. “I never said that.”

“Then just what exactly are you trying to get out of this?!” Killua strains against Gon’s hold, raising his head as far as he can to get in Gon’s face. “You ask me to tell you about my scars- my childhood- because you claim you want to know me better, but then you tackle me the second I start explaining! What do you _want_ from me, Gon?!”

Killua’s eyes gloss over and they shine like sapphires in the dim light pouring from the window. Something in Gon breaks at the sight.

Killua should never have a reason to cry.

His arms give out and he collapses on top of Killua in a heap, completely covering the other’s thin body with his own.

 _“Ooof!”_ Killua wheezes at the unexpected weight. Gon immediately wraps his arms around Killua’s middle and buries his head in the crook of Killua’s neck.

“G-Gon!” Killua tries to squirm out of Gon’s embrace. “What the hell are you trying to-”

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly and Killua freezes.

“I’m sorry,” he repeats, voice sounding incredibly small. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I did, and now we’re both upset and angry. And I don’t want that. Ever.”

Killua doesn’t say anything for a long minute. Gon counts the ticks from the clock as the seconds pass.

Then Killua lets out a long breath. He begins, “You don’t have to get so mushy. Its fine-”

Gon tightens his grip. “It’s not!”

Killua shuts his mouth with a tiny _click._

Gon squeezes his eyes shut. He mumbles into Killua’s bare shoulder, “I swear I meant what I said earlier; I asked you about your scars because I wanted to know more about you. Because you- you’re _important_ to me, Killua.”

He feels Killua tense underneath him, like he’s about to bolt, but Gon plunges ahead, “You’re my best friend. So, I figured that maybe if you told me more about your past, we would grow even closer then we already are. But-”

He swallows down a wave of boiling anger as Killua’s words echo in his ears: _I’m broken, I’m damaged, it’s my fault they died-_

_I’m a monster._

Gon whispers, “When you started saying that other stuff…It made me so, so _frustrated_. And really sad, too. Because I care about you so much and it hurt to see you think that about yourself. I didn’t react the way I should’ve, though, and you lashed out. So. I’m sorry. I just…I want you to know, that I’m going to keep on being your friend no matter what happened in your past. I see you for who you are now; I see you as the person who that left that life behind.”

“Everyone deserves second chances. Especially you, Killua. You’re so amazing, and you can do so many awesome things. I think you’re really incredible.”

Killua huffs, the sound so quiet Gon almost doesn’t hear it. But he _does_ because he always pays more attention to Killua then he does to anyone else. More so than either of them realize, sometimes.

“You _are,_ ” he insists and holds Killua closer. “You really are, Killua. And I’m gonna be here every day to remind you that you’re so much more then what your family tried to make you. I won’t run away. I’m staying right here. Even if you think badly of yourself, I’m gonna keep reminding you just how awesome you really are.”

“‘Cause that’s what best friends are for. Right?”

Gon falls silent, breathes into white sheets and smooth skin, and waits for some kind of response.

For a while, there’s nothing. The clock ticks away quietly in the leftover silence. Birds chatter outside their hotel window. The coolness of Killua’s bare back starts to warm under Gon’s fingers.

Gon chews his bottom lip as he gazes at the opposite wall. He hadn’t expected Killua to answer right away. Actually, he isn’t sure what he expected from Killua at all. It’s hard for Killua to be vulnerable about himself, and it’s even harder for him to listen and accept the way other people feelings about him. What if Gon had overdone it? He was just being honest but the last thing in the world Gon wants is to push Killua away-

The sound of a shuddering breath grounds Gon’s thoughts to a halt.

Gon blinks and suddenly he notices the unsteady rising and lowering of Killua’s chest under his, the slight tremble of Killua’s jaw against his own. One long-fingered hand brushes Gon’s hair as a second wraps around his waist.

Gon’s heart aches, crushed with an overwhelming sadness that leaves his vision blurring, but he doesn’t look up. Instead he just presses his face into the crook of Killua’s neck and inhales the scent of his strawberry shampoo. Killua clutches the back of Gon’s tang top so tightly the fabric twists. He holds onto Gon like he never wants to let go.

Gon would be okay with that. Holding Killua like this just feels _right_ somehow, even though the circumstances that led them here hurts enough to make his throat burn and chest tighten until he can’t breathe. Holding Killua makes him feel like he’s complete, like he’s home. It gives him a sense of peace that he’s never felt before.

And he doubts he’ll feel it with anyone else again. Killua is special like that.

“You’re such a sap,” Killua finally croaks, shattering his inner monologue like glass.

Gon sputters out a low laugh because it’s such a _Killua_ response.

“You know me,” Gon murmurs as he smiles softly into the curve of Killua’s shoulder. “I have no filter.”

Killua snorts quietly, but the sound is still a little broken, still a little sad. Killua’s sigh moves Gon’s spiky locks as he says, “Yeah. Well. _Everyone_ knows that.”

“Mmm, maybe. But you’re the only one I would say that stuff to. ‘Cause you’re closer to me than everyone else. You know that, right, Killua?”

Killua doesn’t say anything.

“Killua?” Gon repeats, worried, because what if Killua _didn’t_ think that, what if he thought Gon would go around saying things like that to everyone and anyone, _what if-_

“I know.”

Killua’s voice is raw and hoarse. The way he speaks makes the words sound almost painful for him to admit. But for Gon, the confirmation sends an overwhelming rush of affection and warmth crashing through him until he feels like he’s drowning.

His eyes prickle and he sniffs.

Killua stiffens. “H-Hey, are you crying?!”

“No,” Gon says. But his stuffy nose makes his voice come out all funny and Killua groans.

“What the hell, Gon. See what happens when you go around saying all that embarrassing, gushy stuff? I can’t believe that after all that, _you’re_ the one who gets all worked up.”

Gon giggles. “’M sorry. I’m just- I’m happy that we’re friends, Killua. I’m happy that I get to see and experience all kinds of things with you that no one else does.”

Killua huffs. “Selfish.”

“You said that, already.”

“Because it’s the truth.”

“Heh. I guess.”

They fall quiet again. Gon watches shadows flicker across the wallpaper as the birds from earlier fly past their window. Killua’s breathing has calmed to its normal pace again and Gon knows that if he turns his head, Killua’s eyes will be clear and dry- like nothing out of the ordinary had ever happened.

Instinctively, he tightens his arms around Killua’s chest.

“Hey,” Killua says gently. His hand cards through Gon’s hair and Gon lets his eyes flutter shut. “Hey. Are you okay?”

“Are you?” Gon asks.

“…I will be,” Killua says after a beat, surprising Gon. “You’re here, so…I’ll be fine.”

“Really?” Gon asks as blood rushes to his face.

Killua nods against him. “Yeah. Really.”

“I’m-” Gon swallows thickly, “-I’m glad, Killua.”

“Mmm. Me, too.”

Gon’s chest vibrates from Killua’s soft hum. He can feel Killua’s heartbeat through the single layer of clothing separating their chests and soon his heart slows to match. He’s filled with a warm, drunk kind of feeling as they lay together on the hotel bed’s tousled sheets, his body covering Killua’s, their arms loosely encircling each other as the minutes pass by. It’s a soft and fragile moment. And Gon doesn’t dare open his mouth to ruin it.

Because even with everything that just happened, he still wants to hear more about Killua’s past. He wants to know about each and every one of Killua’s silver scars until he can name them all. If he can do that, he’ll be a step closer to understanding how Killua survived his childhood and kept his inner strength that makes him so dazzling.

Gon wants to know every side of Killua. But that would have to wait for another day. Right now, it’s enough to have Killua in his arms like this, calm and peaceful and quietly happy.

They always have tomorrow, after all.

 

* * *

  

Kite knocks on Gon and Killua’s room and waits.

Three minutes later, and no one comes to open the door. Kite checks his watch with a slight frown. He told them to be ready by three; its currently ten minutes until then. He would have to get them to move faster if they weren’t ready yet. Quietly, he unlocks their door and enters the room.

He walks down the short hallway to the main room. His eyes immediately land on the entwined figures on one of the two twin beds.

Kite inches closer, amusement causing his lips to quirk upwards at one end. Gon’s body completely engulfs Killua so only Killua’s head can be seen sticking out past Gon’s shoulder. Their heads rest against each other, breaths matching and eyes closed as the pair sleeps peacefully. Their legs are a jumbled mess to the point where Kite can’t tell which are Gon’s and which are Killua’s, but their hands grip one another on top of the cream sheets.

Kite leans back with a shake of his head. These two. They really are something, especially to each other. Since the moment they appeared before him in a blinding flash, since he saw their teamwork as they helped his team search for bugs and rare species, he knew they would accomplish great things together.

But as of right now, they were late. Kite glances at the clock on the wall and lets out a long breath.

He hates to wake the pair up and ruin this peaceful picture. But they had a balloon to catch; the world wouldn’t slow down for them alone, and would both need to be ready if they were going to find out just what was going on in NGL.

So, without wasting another precious second, Kite reached for Gon’s shoulder.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own HunterxHunter. In case you couldn't tell, this takes place during the Chimera Ant Arc, right before they get to NGL. Information on Killua's childhood came from this post: http://himeutsugi.org/post/112426145003/tsukum-things-about-killuas-backstorychildhood
> 
> This is my part of an art trade with killuashappyplace on tumblr! The request was to write about Gon asking about Killua's scars and then comforting him after.
> 
> This was weirdly difficult for me to write? I'm not sure why, Killua and Gon were being difficult. Thank you for reading!
> 
> My tumblr: http://decembercamiecherries.tumblr.com/


End file.
